HARVESTING TRUTH FROM THE FARMER'S ALMANAC     This column originally appeared on Wicked Local.

Many people still rely on the wisdom of the Farmer’s Almanac in order to obtain predictions about such things as the weather and tides.  Who amongst us hasn’t heard that the coming winter is supposed to be significantly snowier than last winter - “according to the Farmer’s Almanac?”  I know what you are thinking.  There has got to be a better way to get this information.  However, you are not alone if you still lean on predictions from the Almanac.  The Old Farmer’s Almanac, in fact, is currently #1 on the non-fiction best seller list (at least at the time of this writing), meaning that there are more people currently reading the Farmer’s Almanac than there are reading What Happened by Hillary Clinton or The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump by Bandy Lee (with a foreword by Donald Trump).  Ok.  Perhaps that’s not surprising, but the apparent popularity of the Farmer’s Almanac did make me curious. 

I picked up my copy of the 2018 edition of The Old Farmer’s Almanac at Olden’s Pharmacy in Weymouth, a business that many believe is as old as the Almanac itself.  The Old Farmer’s Almanac was first published in 1792.  It has its founder, Robert Thomas, on the cover along with Benjamin Franklin – probably to give Thomas extra credibility at the time of its writing.  Interestingly, the “Old” Farmer’s Almanac is not the only almanac of its kind available.  There is also the more simply named “Farmer’s Almanac” which originated several years later in 1818. 

The Old Farmer’s Almanac claims to be “useful with a pleasant degree of humor.”  It is divided into designated sections including amusement, astrology, food, gardening, weather, and (of course) a special report on farming. 

The inside front cover of the Farmer’s Almanac is titled, “Your Life with this Almanac,” which immediately lets the reader know that he or she is making an unspeakable commitment.  Testimonials line the initial pages of the Almanac helping to celebrate its 225^th year in publication.  Meridien P. writes, “The Almanac means tradition, wisdom, pause, and work… curiosity and entertainment, information and snickers… and when to cut my hair.”  John J. reports, “My Uncle Stony taught me how to read the charts in the Almanac.”  Finally, Benita Y. explains, “Life may be complicated, but as long as you have the Almanac, you have the answers.”  Within a single page the Farmer’s Almanac has mentioned one of my favorite candy bars, determined that Meridien P. needs a haircut, and revealed that there is someone in the United States who has an uncle by the name of “Stony”.  Most importantly, however, the Almanac claims to have the answers, which is all that one can hope for especially if they are reading a book written by Donald Trump. 

The Old Farmer’s Almanac is best known for predicting the weather, a section that I found divided into two simple maps that would have made former WBZ weatherman Don Kent proud:  Winter 2017-2018 and Summer 2018.  The maps are joined by a short narrative explanation on the following page.  “Temperatures will be much colder than last winter – but still above normal – from Maine southward to most of Florida and westward through the Great Lakes, Midwest, Heartland, and Northern Plains.”  Although potentially useful, this information does not inspire me to run out and purchase a new winter hat. 

The Almanac does include a page revealing the method that it uses to predict the weather.  “We derive our weather forecasts from a secret formula.  We believe that nothing in the universe happens haphazardly, that there is a cause-and-effect pattern to all phenomena.”  After reading this, anyone should question why we still need weathermen.

The Old Farmer’s Almanac is clearly geared toward people who are, well, old.  There are pages dedicated to geriatric-minded products like walk-in bath tubs, stair lifts, and herbal supplements aimed at alleviating bladder issues.  The Collector’s Corner in the Almanac features things such as “airsickness bags from obscure airlines” (I’m thinking Wright Brothers) and “Civil War-era tax forms,” meaning it might finally be time to cash in on those dusty William Tecumseh Sherman 1040 forms you have been keeping in that basement drawer. 

The Almanac has pages dedicated to eclipses, bright stars, meteor showers, visible planets, and how every municipality in the continental United States is affected by longitude and latitude – meaning that the Farmer’s Almanac may very well have been used by Lewis and Clark.  Seriously.  The Almanac includes a calendar of the heavens (for those of you who are planning to visit someday), a page detailing why we have seasons, and a monthly sky-watch report reminiscent of WBCN’s Darrell Martinie, the Cosmic Muffin (for those of you old enough to remember).  There are pages in the Almanac that tell you the optimal days during the upcoming year to have dental work administered and also the best days to cut your hair in order to promote hair growth (I am not making this up).   There is also an article highlighting the “Shadowy Story of Groundhogs”, which after pages of interstellar tutorials seems strangely out of place – even in the Farmer’s Almanac. 

So pay special attention to your Farmer’s Almanac and go buy yourself a new snow shovel for the upcoming winter.  You will need it in February when the Farmer’s Almanac sends you out to get a haircut.